If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
