just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
