Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
