Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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