bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
