end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
