I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
