Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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