The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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