I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
