Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
