oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
