Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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