i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
