i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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