i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
