fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
