Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
