Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
