Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Say something about gay babies.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
