You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
