Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
