the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
