you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
