dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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