There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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