I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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