Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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