Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
