if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
