I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
