the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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