He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
