Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't make out with my wife yet
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
