Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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