I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i think my cat just said my name.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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