dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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