you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you didnt know i had herpes?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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