How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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