And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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