I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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