3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize