Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
