I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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