Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
