if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
