During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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