Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
