there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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