I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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