I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
