Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
