I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
