I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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