i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
