Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
