I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
