There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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