u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
